Identity.

I envy people with some sort of strong identity. Some heritage they can claim as their own--slip into when they lose all other sense of self, as though being born of a certain history were a comfy old t-shirt or blanket. I know a lot of people who have something like that for one reason or another, and because of that they'll always have a group to which they belong.

For certain, it can have downsides. There are prejudices to fight against, which are made all the more difficult to handle when they're given support by other members of the group. There's a struggle for individual identity that can occur. All in all, though, it's incredibly similar to having a larger family to be embraced or embarrassed by.

I don't really have anything like that. My heritage is a dilute mixture of Scottish, Irish, German, and Native American. I'm essentially a highlight reel of the groups that have inhabited this area. I'm American, yes; but that's just as dilute and generic a group. I'm a Virginian, but in an area equally ambiguous. We're Southern, but then much of the deep South doesn't see it that way. So much history happened here, but not really in my area. I'm in the Appalachians, but it's kind of the foothills around here. Like me, it's lots of little things, but not really strongly any of them.

Beyond what I was born to, I'm somewhat of a jack-of-all-trades. I'm a bit of an artist, singer, actress, writer, student, rollerblader, movie buff, gamer, pet lover, and all around nerd. But again--I'm none of these things well enough or to a strong enough degree to be a part of any larger group. It leads me to have a wealth of mostly useless knowledge and a bit of isolation. It's strange.

Although, to be honest, I don't actually mind too much. I envy those with a group they can identify themselves with, but being part of so much on a more surface level affords me the opportunity to not only connect with people from a wealth of backgrounds and hobbies, but to appreciate the beauty of so many cultures. It helps to make me a better anthropologist, I think.